Let me Hold you Longer- A Tribute

It seems lately that not a day goes by that I don't stop in my tracks and look at my son and get a lump in my throat. I grab him and hold him as close as possible; never wanting to let go. As though if I could just hold him tighter I could keep him mine forever, my perfect son.

In my eyes not hair on his head, not even the dirt under his nail is anything but perfection.

When I was a little girl my parents told me I would never understand how much they loved me until I had a child of my own. Sure enough, becoming a mother has expanded my heart strings as well as my waist to a capacity I didn't know possible.

I would be a phony if I were to say I didn't feel home sick for my old life sometimes after he first joined our family. I admit I even wondered if I had made a mistake on those sleepless nights when I was up every three hours trying to figure out how to get through it all.

But now I can't imagine a single morning without going into his room to find arms wide open to me to pick him up and hold him.

Something else my parents often told me (and my brother) when we were little was that in Heaven, we choose our parents.

As a kid I believed this whole-heartedly, and whether or not it is true, I still believe it.

Which brings me to my soul-searching question...why did Conner, this perfect soul, choose me?

This brings me to another soul-searching question...why did I choose my parents?

My parents are complete opposites. My dad is assertive, stubborn, witty....my mom passive, sensitive, kind.

Though they are so different, both of their personalities have been essential in my life.

What is it about me that will be essential in Conner's life?

Why did he choose me to be his mother?

All I can say is that I desire above all other desires to live up to whatever expectations he might have of me. I am humbled to realize that my parents must have felt these same emotions about me and my brother when we came into their lives.

My parents have made their share of mistakes, but I can say with all honestly that I have never, ever been able to say I didn't know if they loved me.

I hope Conner will never be able to wonder if I love him even amidst the mistakes I am sure to make on my journey through motherhood.

I have also had a brief glance at how my parents, (my dad in particular) might have felt when Corey came into my life and "took me away" and made me his.

I dread the day a beautiful young woman comes into Conner's life and gets to call him hers. This, thankfully, is something I don't need to worry about for a long time.

Until then, I think I will just hold him as tight as possible and try to be as loving as a parent to him as my parents have been to me.

Thanks mom and dad.

man, this day was horrible.

Well its eleven thirty at night and I am glad this day is almost over. This has been a pretty crappy day. I guess you could say it got off to a bad start while I was putting away laundry after church and Conner was just wandering around room to room like usual and all the sudden out of no where I hear a piercing scream. I ran and got him and found the iron on the carpet. Corey ran up stairs and picked up the iron and we scanned Conner's whole body to find out where he had been burned. We couldn't find anything...not on his fingers not anywhere. We wondered if maybe he was just scared because the iron had fallen off the ironing board. THE IRON WAS NOT ON, it was off but had been knocked off the ironing board and was turned on I guess by hitting the carpet. Obviously we will be unplugging the iron completely after each use now. But back to the story, so I did the usual thing, grabbed the Binky and his favorite blanket and rocked him in his chair trying to calm him down, then started reading to him from his books. He was soon calm and ready for his nap, no apparent harm done. He then went to sleep for two and a half hours and woke up screaming.
I ran in there and took a look at him and low and behold, a bad burn.
Conner is the toughest baby/kid I have EVER seen. I can't believe right after getting this burn he slept for two and a half hours. Burns hurt like CRAZY, we can't figure out how he was so calm.
He has been on and off really fussy all day, but for the most part he is such a trooper. It has been a hard day and I hope he feels better tomorrow.

We bandaged it up after a while to keep the solarcaine on and to keep him from rubbing it up against things (which is when he would start being bothered.)

Timp Cave...more than you might expect...

So on Saturday we hiked to Timp Cave, and man, it was amazing.
Everyone must go see this cave, it is worth the grueling, awful, horrible hike.
I felt very unprepared for the hike to the cave. The fact that my parents took me to this cave when I was like seven gave me the preconceived notion that the hike was simple. Boy was I wrong. Just like our provo river experience, there were people crying on the way up! It seriously was an exhausting hike. But once you got there the climb was soon forgotten as you saw the most amazing sights!
Wishing this was the cave...
Exhausted, we made it. Here Chris and Conner are taking a breather.

Sometimes you just need your Mama...

The other night I was having what was very near a panic attack about somethign really quite trivial. Nonetheless I was stressed and needed help!
Corey and I discussed the "trivial" issue and I still didn't feel better. After much discussion Corey finally said, "Laurie, I just don't know the answer, you are making this too hard."
We then went to get ice cream in an attempt to make me feel better, and while Corey was in Red Mango getting our ice cream I decided, not wanting to hurt Corey's ego, to hurry and make a quick phone call to my mom.
After about seven minutes of talking to my mom about the same "trivial matter" that Corey and I had hashed out for over an hour and a half I felt all my anxiety melt away and the solution was perfectly clear, and I felt complete peace.
I try my best to make most of my decisions with Corey, but the truth is, sometimes you just need your Mama!
Thanks Mom :)

Book Review- The Green Mile

The Green Mile, by Stephen King

I give this novel an A. My brother has read this and loved it and always recommends it, but I was hesitant because I had already seen the film. However, the book is well worth the read even if you have seen the film. The movie really only touches about half the story, which makes sense because it is a very lengthy novel.
I have never been a Stephen King fan, frankly I don't know that I have ever read one of his novels before! I hate both books and movies that include evil and gore, which Stephen King is known for, but this novel is completely absent of those things. Of course there is a villain or two, and a crime scene in the story, but that is often what makes up a story!
Basically I think this is one of the most fantastic novels I have ever read, I will give you the harsh truth that there is quite a bit of foul language in this book. If you can't handle that then perhaps this is not the book for you. But the story really is amazing, touching, moving, interesting, and a real page turner.
This really is a fantastic book. But please, just remember there is a bit of foul language because the characters work on death row in a prison. So that makes sense I guess....

24th of July

Tonight was such a fun night, its the 24th of July holiday and for those of you who don't live in Utah (a.k.a. Corey's family) the 24th is considered Pioneer Day and is celebrated similarly to the 4th of July.
This morning we got up SUPER EARLY to go to the big parade down town, I have lived in Utah my whole life and have never been to this parade (I think due to my crowd phobia) but it turned out to be one of the funnest Summer things we have ever done! My grandpa and grandma Monson were in the parade and we really wanted Conner to be able to wave at them as they passed, so we took the plunge and went, and it was awesome!
As you can see, later in the evening we went to my parents house and had a barbecue and watched fireworks in their circle. The people who live next to my parents always put on a big fireworks extravaganza and we like to go watch.
After that Corey, Chris and I went and finished the evening watching more fireworks at Liberty Park. It was such a fun day. I love holidays...

Front row seats, it helps to know someone in the parade I guess :)
It's very humbling to see your grandparents drive by and hundreds of people stand up to honor their presence. Take it from me, they deserve it, they are just THAT wonderful.

Pardon Conner's face, I think I accidentally got sunscreen in his eye.
Honoring the pioneers, hence the name PIONEER DAY.


Watching fireworks in my parents circle, Conner LOVED it.
Just two brothers gossiping.
We love Summer!
Conner with the people he loves more than his own mother...I'm not throwing a pity party, its just true :)
Laying on top of the car watching the big firework show at Liberty Park. Did I mention I love Summer?

The RODEO

We had so much fun going to the Rodeo with my parents. I thought it was completely unnecessary how loud they had it in that arena, it completely freaked Conner out at first, but thankfully a nice man who worked there had some ear plugs in his pocket and gave them to Conner.

John Mayer Concert!

Corey and my friend Megan and I went to the John Mayer Concert last weekend. It was such a great concert, I even told my parents they would have loved it!

Wedding reception at the Salt Lake Country Club...

A toast to the bride and groom...It's sparkling cider....don't worry.

On Saturday Corey and Chris and I took Conner up to go thru Timp Cave, but much to our dismay they were full for the day so we are going next Saturday instead. Seeing as we were already up in the canyon we had some fun driving the Honda up an ATV only road (wish someone had TOLD US it was an ATV road) but it was an adventure for sure. We then stopped by a lake for Conner to play in. It was a super fun day.

We even got to meet Smokey the Bear! Conner was not a fan, so I stood by the nice bear for the picture.

Trip to the Zoo

Me and my friend Brie with our beautiful sons.
Conner and Cade and Blake, and NO, Cade is NOT cough, cough, drinking diet coke from a bottle...cough, cough.
Conner on the turtle shell at the zoo play ground. Conner's face is silly here but TURTLE was Conner's first two syllable word so we love to talk to him about TURTLES.
Conner and cute Josh.

Silly boy

Conner has the most interesting personality. He is fearless. He never cries when he falls, and he walks right into the freezing cold sprinkler. There really is NOTHING IN THE WORLD I hate more than being cold, cold water is my worst enemy. A one year old is braver than me, how sad! I'm proud of him tho, I can't wait to see what he is going to be like as he grows up.

Trip down memory lane

A couple of friends of mine have done this on their blog....I hope you will participate!

Here are the directions:

1. As a comment on my blog, leave a fond memory that you and I had together (It can even be a memory of Corey or Corey and I both). It doesn't matter if you knew me/us a little or a lot, just write anything you remember!

2. Next, if you like, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.


Love,
Laurie

Throwing birds

A couple weeks ago my dad let Conner (which really ended up being me) throw a bunch or his pigeons into the air.